The Problem Parent: When Dad’s Getting Kicked Out of His Care Facility

In our last post, we shared some family scenarios of arguing and being frustrated with aging parents. Our experts offered advice and resources. It’s important to know you don’t have to face these situations alone. Sometimes they get to a crisis point and you really need to call in someone who can be on your side.

This is all the more true when you’re caring for someone with dementia. Logical arguments and rational discussions may no longer be effective. Different caregiving and behavior challenges come up. You may feel you’ve lost the person your parent has always been. Below, one client shares a dilemma with a care facility. We hope this gives you some ideas if you’re facing similar concerns.

I am at my wit’s end! Dad has been yelling at staff at his ALF when they try to help him. He recently grabbed one of the caregivers and has threatened them with his cane. The other day, a female resident sat in “his” chair and he pushed her. The facility has given us a warning notice that he will be kicked out if the behavior continues. The only option will be a state-run facility. Dad gave so much to me and we had a great parent child relationship. I can’t stand the thought of him in that sad place.

Help from Our Expert:

Adult children often come to us in these situations. Another common one is a parent who continually gets caught smoking at an assisted living or nursing home. It’s so stressful. Of course, the facility has to protect other residents’ and staff’s safety. However, this leaves you with a really sad dilemma.

The important thing is to delve into why the behavior is happening. What’s going on with Dad? What environmental factors are contributing? We promise that it is not an impossible situation. We’ve worked with many clients with difficult behaviors. And, many children at their wit’s end. You need an advocate working with you to identify what is going on.

From there, we can offer solutions that don’t involve the state facility. This may include bringing in a private duty caregiver (especially for key times). Underlying medical issues may need to be treated. Though a facility cannot cater to one person, a collaborative care plan meeting can identify strategies to help all involved.

Need help? Make an appointment with an advocate today.

Also, check out the Caregiver’s Guide to Dementia Care for specific “tricks” and tips when dealing with various behaviors and challenges. The guide covers common issues like resisting care, bathing, wandering, and more.